tBR Columnist Tim Kilpin: Recent Call Transcript. This Really Happened. (OK, Well, Mostly.)

by Tim Kilpin | 27 Oct 2021

The Bloom Report

Recent Call Transcript.  This Really Happened.  (OK, Well, Mostly.)

 

NP:  Hello, North Pole hotline.  How may I direct your jingle?

 

TK:  Oh, that’s cute.  Hi, could I speak with Santa, please?

 

NP:  May I ask who’s calling?

 

TK:  Tim Kilpin.  PlayMonster.  You know, toys…games.

 

NP:  Oh yes, Mr. Kilpin.  Please hold.

 

TK:  (tapping pen, feeling pretty good that he still has a little juice left with the old guy’s office…)

 

NP:  Mr. Kilpin, he’ll be right with you.  He’s VERY busy this time of year, I’m sure you understand.

 

TK:  Oh, trust me, I understand.  (Keeps tapping pen, waiting, thinking maybe that juice is running out.)

 

Santa:  Timmy?  That you?

 

TK:  Hey, Santa, look I am really sorry to bother you.  I know it’s crazy right now…

 

Santa:  Ho Ho Ho!  It’s nuts, buddy.  Look, you know I can’t do everything myself in one night, so it’s on you guys to make sure all the right toys are under the tree, you know…

 

TK:  No, Santa, I know, so…

 

Santa:  The factories can’t get enough power, the containers cost a fortune, there aren’t any truck drivers from here to..

 

TK:  Santa, yes, I…

 

Santa:  Have you seen the West Coast?  Holy Holly, Tim, there are nearly 80 ships waiting!  I did a recon flight over the area last week.

 

TK:  Wait.  You do that?

 

Santa:  Boats as far as my reindeer could see.  What are kids going to do?

 

TK:  Well, see, Santa, that’s why I’m calling.  Did you hear about the explosion on the ship in Vancover?

 

Santa:  Explosion?  Was it one of those GI Joe toys?

 

TK:  No, Santa.  Forty containers went overboard in rough seas, and then some of the remaining containers caught fire.  We lost a container of our wonderful new Brite Brush products.

 

Santa:  Christmas Cookies, Tim.  That’s a great item.  I sing that Baby Shark song when I’m brushing, you know.

 

TK:  I appreciate that, Santa.  Truly.  But what I am supposed to do when the global supply chain is fracturing…and then THAT happens?  Containers overboard?  Our customers think we’re making it up!

 

Santa:  Ah, yes, I see the news coverage right here on my North Pole Newsfeed.

 

TK:  Um, that’s a thing?

 

Santa:  It’s 2021, Tim.  I’m old but not THAT old.

 

TK:  So, maybe, is there any chance your elves can maybe push a few more of our Brite Brushes into your production line for this season?

 

Santa:  Ho Ho Ho!  You’re funny, Tim.  I suppose that’s what you’d like for Christmas this year?

 

TK:  Well, if you could see your…

 

Santa:  No can do, Timmy.  Labor shortage.  Wages rising.  It’s not all candy canes and gumdrops up here, either, you know.

 

TK:  Well, thanks anyway, Santa.  I guess I’m just going to remind every parent I can that they should shop early, because who knows what else is going to explode out at sea this year?

 

Santa:  Chin up, kid.  Next year will be better.  Christmas always comes.  Kids always play. 

That’s why you’re in this business, remember?

 

TK:  I remember, Santa.  Merry Christmas, Santa.

 

Santa:  Merry Ch…(crash in background).  Oh Blitzen!  I gotta go.

 

TK:  (Sighs, hangs up.)

shipping crisis toy industry Santa Claus containers containers lost at sea logistics explosion Brite Brush