by Tim Kilpin | 27 Oct 2021
The Bloom Report
Recent Call Transcript. This Really Happened. (OK, Well, Mostly.)
NP: Hello, North Pole hotline. How may I direct your jingle?
TK: Oh, that’s cute. Hi, could I speak with Santa, please?
NP: May I ask who’s calling?
TK: Tim Kilpin. PlayMonster. You know, toys…games.
NP: Oh yes, Mr. Kilpin. Please hold.
TK: (tapping pen, feeling pretty good that he still has a little juice left with the old guy’s office…)
NP: Mr. Kilpin, he’ll be right with you. He’s VERY busy this time of year, I’m sure you understand.
TK: Oh, trust me, I understand. (Keeps tapping pen, waiting, thinking maybe that juice is running out.)
Santa: Timmy? That you?
TK: Hey, Santa, look I am really sorry to bother you. I know it’s crazy right now…
Santa: Ho Ho Ho! It’s nuts, buddy. Look, you know I can’t do everything myself in one night, so it’s on you guys to make sure all the right toys are under the tree, you know…
TK: No, Santa, I know, so…
Santa: The factories can’t get enough power, the containers cost a fortune, there aren’t any truck drivers from here to..
TK: Santa, yes, I…
Santa: Have you seen the West Coast? Holy Holly, Tim, there are nearly 80 ships waiting! I did a recon flight over the area last week.
TK: Wait. You do that?
Santa: Boats as far as my reindeer could see. What are kids going to do?
TK: Well, see, Santa, that’s why I’m calling. Did you hear about the explosion on the ship in Vancover?
Santa: Explosion? Was it one of those GI Joe toys?
TK: No, Santa. Forty containers went overboard in rough seas, and then some of the remaining containers caught fire. We lost a container of our wonderful new Brite Brush products.
Santa: Christmas Cookies, Tim. That’s a great item. I sing that Baby Shark song when I’m brushing, you know.
TK: I appreciate that, Santa. Truly. But what I am supposed to do when the global supply chain is fracturing…and then THAT happens? Containers overboard? Our customers think we’re making it up!
Santa: Ah, yes, I see the news coverage right here on my North Pole Newsfeed.
TK: Um, that’s a thing?
Santa: It’s 2021, Tim. I’m old but not THAT old.
TK: So, maybe, is there any chance your elves can maybe push a few more of our Brite Brushes into your production line for this season?
Santa: Ho Ho Ho! You’re funny, Tim. I suppose that’s what you’d like for Christmas this year?
TK: Well, if you could see your…
Santa: No can do, Timmy. Labor shortage. Wages rising. It’s not all candy canes and gumdrops up here, either, you know.
TK: Well, thanks anyway, Santa. I guess I’m just going to remind every parent I can that they should shop early, because who knows what else is going to explode out at sea this year?
Santa: Chin up, kid. Next year will be better. Christmas always comes. Kids always play.
That’s why you’re in this business, remember?
TK: I remember, Santa. Merry Christmas, Santa.
Santa: Merry Ch…(crash in background). Oh Blitzen! I gotta go.
TK: (Sighs, hangs up.)